Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
