i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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