lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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