My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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