My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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