well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
