I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
