So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
