i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
