Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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