currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
im on a boat
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