new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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