oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My life is pants optional.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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