its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
