I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
