Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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