I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
