I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
