winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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