Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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