Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Randomize
