I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
