I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
