Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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