Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
