3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
