Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
