fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
