I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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