I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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