I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
