I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
