Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
