I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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