absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
