Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
