I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
