Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
God I need to hump something, right now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
