Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
