This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
True college students do jello shots in the library
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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