If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize