Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
