I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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