My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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