apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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