Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
