You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
