I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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