forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
