Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
