Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
