So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize