I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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