you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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