you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
