Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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