i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
