the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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