I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
