Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
