here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
