i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
