So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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