I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
