i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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