i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
