Need sex. Gaining weight.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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