Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
