My nipple is on Facebook.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize