Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Pants are for mortals
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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